Parenting involves a modicum (read: perpetual avalanche) of correcting, warning and reprimanding.
But to connect with our kids – and gain influence – we must encourage their strengths and potential. We can only encourage what we truly believe in. Therefore, as parents, we must periodically allow ourselves the essential luxury of basking in our sprogs’ unique version of wonderful. Dr. Spock’s orders, updated to the 21st century.
So I prescribe myself routine appreciation explosions as a spa break from my usual state of Code Red hypervigilance.
The rules are simple:
- Set aside a chunk of time to focus on one of your kids.
- Visualise the moments that moved you deeply, made you laugh the hardest or filled you with gratitude and wonder. No incident is too small.
- Start writing. Don’t worry about being artful. Allow one thought to lead to the next. Write until you feel done.
You can type or write, create a mind map, or crack out your art set and go technicolour. Your explosion can take the form of a stream of consciousness, a list, or a letter to your child or your future self. Be visceral.
I emerge from my appreciation explosions better able to feel and convey my love and admiration for my kids — with some to spare for my husband and the world at large. Thinking about my kids at their best softens the edge of my criticism by putting my quibbles in perspective.
Harvard psychiatrist, Helen Riess, commented in a powerful Ted Talk on empathy that, “Most people need to have their specialness reflected back in the eyes of others in order to see it themselves.” I hope my appreciation explosions prime me to help my children to feel just how special they are.
Sources of Inspiration:
My appreciation explosion practice is inspired by the “rampage of appreciation” exercise in Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks, Tony Robbins’ gratitude meditations on YouTube and Jamie Oliver’s exuberant acknowledgement page at the end of Jamie’s Kitchen.
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